Kenpachi Masamune

No need to repost. Just edit your original here. The line: 'I dreamed my dreams were nightmares' is really more of needless repeating. Unless you want to stress the fact ...

I'm siding with Gadi on this one. It seemed more like an experiment then an actual poem. You basically broke all the formating structures with your second line and continued ...

Kitty's changes were good, it helped make the poem more powerful, but at the cost of basically changing the form and innocent purity of the original. "It wasn’t the best ...

I dreamed of love, once - (Good) The loved one killed herself ('loved one' sounds awkward) I dreamed of Princesses (Princesses....how about single? Mr. Lech) They were dead, a knife ...

Definitely put it into poetry format, it would work good and not run on like a regular monologue. Though as for actual poetic value, it seems to be not unlike ...

I usually have POV from one or several girls in stories. Girls are pretty much easy to get inside of their heads and pull off that good old circular logic ...

I write plans because I do world building and character development first, so it is rather hard to do a story that I simply do not have the basis for. ...

Unusual, but good. Was a little freaky and rather disturbing to see that much detail over a piece of fruit only to be summed up as 'bloody apple'. It was ...

I don't get why this in fan fiction either, the description sounds more like a personal event that inspired the poetry rather then any existing work. Perhaps it should be ...

Someone has an anger problem...jeeze. Don't you think you over did it just a little bit with that whole anger bit? Was beyond short-tempered and just plain unrealistic to have ...

1dering at stars made a lot of the notes I would have pointed out, so I'll keep this short. The structure you had at first followed pretty well, but then ...

LIES lies are silver. (Capitalize L) like scar tissue and spiders’ silk, (Caps L. Spider's (one spider)) strung and woven between the shoulder-blades. (Caps S. Shoulder blade) hidden under a ...

Dog fighting is illegal and abuse makes most dogs prone to attack people, any such ban is pretty short sighted and would probably fail to be upheld in court if ...

You just lost the game.

When I was in NYC they had a giant bunny made of those little bunnies on display in the center. I really wish I could have eaten them! Why didn't ...